Dark
Night of the Soul
By Kiara Windrider, Jan 12, 2005
There are many stages to
enlightenment. Bhagavan refers to
enlightenment as making a hole in the
wall of the mind, a wall that keeps us
separate from the direct experience of
divinity. Making the initial hole is
the first step in the journey of
enlightenment. The larger the hole, the
deeper the state of oneness that we
experience. When the wall disappears
completely, there is no longer any
separation between oneself, nature,
creation, and God.
For some, like Ramana Maharshi, the
wall is completely obliterated in a
moment of time. For most people,
however, it is a more gradual process.
If the wall is broken down all at once
it becomes difficult for the person to
function in the normal world, and so in
the majority of cases, a slower process
is required. A small hole appears, which
widens in time as the physical body
adjusts to the shifts in energy and
perception. The “deeksha” is one avenue
through which this hole can be created.
The gradual widening of this hole in
the wall is often accompanied by what we
might call “the dark night of the
soul”. Our sense of identity as a fixed
‘self’ separate from the rest of the
universe is a peculiarity of the human
brain, which begins to undergo a shift
when the deeksha is given. The dark
night of the soul is simply a metaphor
for the dissolution of this sense of
separate identity.
Most of us are more attached to our
self-identities than we realize. Our
personal histories, psychological
personalities, social roles, and purpose
in life are all derived from the idea of
a fixed self. Indeed, our very search
for meaning in the universe is based on
the sense of a personal identity. What
would we be left with when this begins
to dissolve? Who would we be when we are
no longer recognizable as a fixed and
separate self?
The more attached we are to our
experience of a personal self, the more
devastating it can be when we recognize
that this is merely an illusion
projected by the human brain. The
‘ego’, which is just another term for
the personal self, throws up all kinds
of resistance in response to what it
perceives as its own imminent death.
All our emotional ‘stuff’ comes up as
old patterns of psychological
self-preservation move up to the
surface. A sense of existential
darkness pervades the psyche. All our
life-support systems, including our
‘spiritual’ props and support, begin to
drop away. Our very ‘faith’ in God,
which all too often is the ego’s
substitute for a direct experience of
divinity, begins to crumble.
The dark night does not have to be
painful or difficult, however. It is
only so when there is an extreme
attachment to the illusion of a fixed
and separate identity. All fear
eventually boils down to the fear of
dissolution, the fear of death. Once
the process of enlightenment begins, and
we open to the realization that the self
who dies is itself an illusion, the
journey becomes smooth and exhilarating.
We enter into a place of mystery,
letting go our fears and expectations,
carried along by great big winds across
the sky.
In esoteric circles, this process is
often referred to as a ‘soul
initiation’. It is said that this is
the process that all initiates must
undergo before they come into the
flowering of their divinity. It can be
symbolized as a process of death and
rebirth. What dies is the ego. What is
born in its place is an inner divinity
arising from the knowledge that
everything is a flow of oneness. Jesus
himself underwent this process in the
“forty days of wilderness” preceding his
public ministry, which established him
in the state of permanent divine union.
This journey through the dark night
cannot be measured in linear time.
Whether it lasts for moments or for
years depends entirely on our
willingness to undergo the death of
ego. Paradoxically, this death takes
place once we understand that there
never was a separate self in the first
place. It is simply a rearrangement of
perception, which opens the pathway
needed for our true nature to express
itself. We recognize that we are, and
always have been, simply a flow of
consciousness expressing itself moment
by moment in the theater we call life.
Once this realization occurs,
accompanied by a shift within the
neurobiological structure of the human
brain, we are established in a state of
mastery. There is no more room for
separation or judgment in our
perceptions of life. Synchronicity
becomes our daily experience. Miracles
happen all around us because we are no
longer restricted to a linear perception
of reality. We establish a field of
harmonic resonance all around us which
becomes contagious. There is no longer
a need for psychological drama or
existential suffering. We radiate
beauty and joy everywhere we go, simply
because we are no longer capable of
experiencing or expressing anything
else.
For many of us, this realization is
still in the future. However, knowing
the end makes the path easier. Knowing
that there is a radiant dawn at the end
of the night makes it seem somewhat
shorter. Ultimately, once we awaken, we
realize that the long dark night was
itself an illusion, much like our dreams
of sleep dispel into unreality in the
light of day!
Long dark night
Desolate winds howl in icy winter
night.
The pilgrim stops in his endless
wanderings,
And lends his own voice to the wind.
How can it be when the sky is emptied,
When nothing remains to obscure the sun,
That life is strangely fed in this
mystic darkness?
The silent vastness ebbs and flows.
These riches can only be seen
By one whose eyes are empty of seeing,
When the fires of desolation
Have flared up, then died away,
When the last embers of hope and
certainty
Have faded in the night.
How can it be, my Friend,
That I hear you so clearly now
When everything I have ever known
Has smoldered away with these embers?
The storms of separation have passed,
Only the wet snow bears witness.
The dark night is revealed
As doorway to deepest light.
I have found my voice
In the softly running, silent living,
Wild pulsing heart
Of Eternity!
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